I feel like I’ve been completely abandoned by society. I don’t have insurance. I can barely afford survival medical care. I had to stop seeing my shrink because I’ve run completely out money.
I don’t want to exist anymore, but saying that gets me thrown into a prison where I’ll be hurt more and costs me even more money. There has been no help at any point.
Where do live? Do you have a job?
If you have no income I would strongly suggest applying for Medicare. Depending on where you live the process may not be very difficult and if you are approved it may make your life much easier. Finding MA providers can be a challenge but when you do your cost is essentially $0
I have two jobs right now.
I haven’t filed for taxes in two years. I can’t do paperwork. I can’t make my brain do paperwork.
I worked for a hell job last year where I had insurance and they broke me as a human being. My divorce broke me as a human being. I can’t organize my mind or finances or anything.
I live in a state where access to things like unemployment and Medicare and all of those other things are made as complicated and impossible to get as they can.
I’ve reached out to local organizations, but the LGBT ones basically do nothing, and the churches would want me to detransition or something.
I’ve been begging for someone to just sit with me and look at my finances. But I couldn’t even get legal help when my ex tortured me, maxed out my credit cards and kicked me out.
I’ve reached out everywhere that I can think of. There has never been help or safety.
Depending on your income level and what state you are in Medicaid may not be viable then. Not filing taxes is not necessarily a deal breaker but does increase complexity. If you file through healthcare.gov (or whatever your state uses) they may expect you to either file those taxes now to declare taxable income levels but this is usually not required for MA. You do need some proof of income though (bank statements, pay stubs, etc)
Depending on what state you are in it may be helpful to see if there is a blended case management service available. This will potentially help connect you with services including MA
I live in Oklahoma.
Our social workers don’t even want to stop people from diddling kids lol
I don’t know anything about Oklahoma but a cursory search shows they do have case management
Reach out to a place like this https://www.offibhs.org/case-management/ though there may be a better fit depending on where you live specifically. Also unfortunately you may find that case management is geared towards people who are severely lacking in resources, eg facing homelessness or are homeless. Depends on the state. In my state case management has a bit more funding so it is more applicable but this is definitely not the case across the country
Yeah…
I went inpatient in December and was physically/verbally abused. They refused to investigate. I already had PTSD but that made it substantially worse. (“May I have a grievance form because y’all attacked me?” “Shut the fuck up, you’re fucking stupid” plays in my head like a looped tape.)
I have my trazadone but that’s for sleep because sometimes I think of things and can’t sleep for days.
My jobs are what help me mostly. Because if someone gives me a math problem or wants me to teach them something it puts my brain in the safe place. It’s amazing that I can teach a seventh grader algebra on 3 hours of sleep. I’m probably “smart” because occupying my brain is the only shut down.
Edit: I am grateful for the attempt to help and advise though. I think my problem is that my state is failed one. We’ve been living Project 2025 for far longer than everyone else has, and things are completely breaking down.
It is understandable that you would be hesitant to re enter a system that failed you
I am not sure how it works in Oklahoma but perhaps a different agency network may be more trustworthy? I am in PA where things are more privatized and as a result if you have a bad experience with agency x you can go to agency y. Both are largely government funded but ultimately privately owned and thus experiences can vary wildly. I know in some states this is not the case though and it’s just mental health agency (this odmhsas you refer to, perhaps?)
Although even then I would remind you that a different office is run by different people and you may have a totally different experience.
The biggest factor here that I can tell you is that all the services I am suggesting (well, the one really) is a voluntary outpatient service. This contrasts greatly from your inpatient experience which was likely involuntary or at least had the threat of becoming involuntary. This means, at the very least, if you are treated disrespectfully then you have the power and autonomy to tell them to stop it. If they ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to. If they say something rude you can ask for a staffing change. And if you truly feel the service is rotten you can simply stop doing it at any point.