I feel like I’ve been completely abandoned by society. I don’t have insurance. I can barely afford survival medical care. I had to stop seeing my shrink because I’ve run completely out money.
I don’t want to exist anymore, but saying that gets me thrown into a prison where I’ll be hurt more and costs me even more money. There has been no help at any point.
It is understandable that you would be hesitant to re enter a system that failed you
I am not sure how it works in Oklahoma but perhaps a different agency network may be more trustworthy? I am in PA where things are more privatized and as a result if you have a bad experience with agency x you can go to agency y. Both are largely government funded but ultimately privately owned and thus experiences can vary wildly. I know in some states this is not the case though and it’s just mental health agency (this odmhsas you refer to, perhaps?)
Although even then I would remind you that a different office is run by different people and you may have a totally different experience.
The biggest factor here that I can tell you is that all the services I am suggesting (well, the one really) is a voluntary outpatient service. This contrasts greatly from your inpatient experience which was likely involuntary or at least had the threat of becoming involuntary. This means, at the very least, if you are treated disrespectfully then you have the power and autonomy to tell them to stop it. If they ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to. If they say something rude you can ask for a staffing change. And if you truly feel the service is rotten you can simply stop doing it at any point.