I feel like I’ve been completely abandoned by society. I don’t have insurance. I can barely afford survival medical care. I had to stop seeing my shrink because I’ve run completely out money.
I don’t want to exist anymore, but saying that gets me thrown into a prison where I’ll be hurt more and costs me even more money. There has been no help at any point.
I don’t know anything about Oklahoma but a cursory search shows they do have case management
Reach out to a place like this https://www.offibhs.org/case-management/ though there may be a better fit depending on where you live specifically. Also unfortunately you may find that case management is geared towards people who are severely lacking in resources, eg facing homelessness or are homeless. Depends on the state. In my state case management has a bit more funding so it is more applicable but this is definitely not the case across the country
Yeah…
I went inpatient in December and was physically/verbally abused. They refused to investigate. I already had PTSD but that made it substantially worse. (“May I have a grievance form because y’all attacked me?” “Shut the fuck up, you’re fucking stupid” plays in my head like a looped tape.)
I have my trazadone but that’s for sleep because sometimes I think of things and can’t sleep for days.
My jobs are what help me mostly. Because if someone gives me a math problem or wants me to teach them something it puts my brain in the safe place. It’s amazing that I can teach a seventh grader algebra on 3 hours of sleep. I’m probably “smart” because occupying my brain is the only shut down.
Edit: I am grateful for the attempt to help and advise though. I think my problem is that my state is failed one. We’ve been living Project 2025 for far longer than everyone else has, and things are completely breaking down.
It is understandable that you would be hesitant to re enter a system that failed you
I am not sure how it works in Oklahoma but perhaps a different agency network may be more trustworthy? I am in PA where things are more privatized and as a result if you have a bad experience with agency x you can go to agency y. Both are largely government funded but ultimately privately owned and thus experiences can vary wildly. I know in some states this is not the case though and it’s just mental health agency (this odmhsas you refer to, perhaps?)
Although even then I would remind you that a different office is run by different people and you may have a totally different experience.
The biggest factor here that I can tell you is that all the services I am suggesting (well, the one really) is a voluntary outpatient service. This contrasts greatly from your inpatient experience which was likely involuntary or at least had the threat of becoming involuntary. This means, at the very least, if you are treated disrespectfully then you have the power and autonomy to tell them to stop it. If they ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to. If they say something rude you can ask for a staffing change. And if you truly feel the service is rotten you can simply stop doing it at any point.