Nobody.

Elon fans are just sunk-cost coping at this point. They know this shit is cringe but they hope but passionately insisting it isn’t they can warp reality around to come closer to their mind palace.

God dammit you beat me to it

There was not a single mention of how small Adam’s dick is in this. It’s clearly a crude facsimile of the real thing.

Also:

Alright, folks, that’s it for today’s episode. Make sure to subscribe to Cumtown Premium if you want the good stuff. Stav will send you a pizza,

Stav would NEVER send someone one of his pizzas!

ChatGPT, write and episode of the podcast Cumtown

Sure! Here’s a fictional Cumtown-style podcast episode script. It’s written in the irreverent, offbeat, and often chaotic tone the show is known for. Cumtown is a comedy podcast with three co-hosts (Nick Mullen, Stavros Halkias, and Adam Friedland), so their voices and comedic timing will guide the flow.

Episode Title: The Butt Plug Industrial Complex

(Intro music fades out)

Nick: What’s up, everybody? It’s your boy, the Sultan of Suck, Nick Mullen, here with my two lovely co-hosts, Stavros “The Greek Freak” Halkias and Adam “I Swear I’m Funny, Guys” Friedland.

Stavros: What’s up, sluts? Hope you’re ready to get stupid.

Adam: I hate that you guys always give me these awful nicknames.

Nick: Yeah, well, that’s 'cause you’re awful, Adam.

Stavros: You got your new glasses today, though, right? Lookin’ like a Whole Foods librarian over here.

Adam: No, man, these are—these are hip! They’re like… ironic.

Nick: Yeah, ironically ugly.

Stavros: (laughs) How much did those cost? Bet you dropped half your paycheck so you can still not get laid.

Adam: You’re just mad because I actually try to look good.

Nick: Nah, Stav’s mad because he spent his entire paycheck on Uber Eats again. This guy’s single-handedly keeping the delivery industry afloat.

Stavros: (laughing) Bro, I’m supporting small businesses, okay? I got that entrepreneurial spirit.

Adam: If we ever have a Cumtown stock exchange, it’ll just be Stav betting on himself to eat four pizzas in one sitting.

Nick: (laughing) The Stav Dow Jones is crashing, bro. It’s just a graph of his cholesterol going up.

Stavros: (laughs) Oh, you motherfuckers. Let’s talk about something important though. You guys hear about this new trend with, uh, butt plugs?

Adam: (confused) What? No, what are you talking about?

Nick: (laughs) Here we go.

Stavros: No, for real! There’s this new, like, underground economy of designer butt plugs. They’re like high-end ones. Custom-made, with, like, precious gems and shit. You could buy one that costs more than your rent, Adam.

Adam: I don’t… What the fuck? Why?

Nick: (laughs) Because, Adam, some people out there are tired of living like plebes. They want luxury even when they’re getting stuff rammed up their asses.

Stavros: Yeah, it’s like the Rolex of anal. High status. You walk into a room with a sapphire-encrusted butt plug, people know you’re about that life.

Adam: How would people know? You’re not showing that off.

Nick: Speak for yourself. I bet there are freaky dinner parties where that’s, like, the thing. Just a bunch of rich tech dudes standing around, comparing notes on their fancy butt plugs.

Stavros: It’s all about networking, baby! You think Elon Musk isn’t rolling up to a space conference with a custom-made Tesla butt plug?

Adam: (laughing) What? No! Why would Elon Musk be—

Nick: (cutting in) Oh, you know he is. Probably 3D printed that shit himself.

Stavros: With Dogecoin logos on it.

Nick: (laughs) Yeah, and it syncs up to your Neuralink so it vibrates when your stock portfolio hits a new high.

Stavros: (laughs) You get a little bzzt when SpaceX launches another rocket.

Adam: (sarcastically) Wow, incredible. This is the future of innovation.

Nick: It is, man. You know, that’s what all these Silicon Valley billionaires are really about. It’s all just butt plugs and biohacking. Butt Plug 2.0.

Stavros: Yo, honestly, we should get in on that. Cumtown-brand butt plugs. We’d make a killing.

Adam: (laughing) What, like, with our faces on them?

Nick: Absolutely. Yours would just be a big disappointment. You sell it as the “Friedland Experience”—you put it in and instantly feel sad and underwhelmed.

Stavros: (laughs) Nah, Adam’s would be the one you only buy as a joke gift for someone you hate.

Adam: I hate you guys.

Nick: (laughing) Stav’s would be huge, obviously. Comes with a guarantee: if you can take it, you get a free sub to his OnlyFans.

Stavros: (laughs) Dude, the Stavros Special. Comes with extra lube, and we throw in a free pizza delivery to your door afterward.

Adam: (laughing) Why is pizza part of this?

Stavros: It’s about the full experience, man. You stuff yourself in every way possible.

Nick: Meanwhile, mine would be sleek, elegant. Like the iPhone of butt plugs. You could charge it with a USB-C cable, maybe even get some crypto mining going while it’s up there.

Stavros: (laughs) Bro, you’re using your butt plug to mine Bitcoin?! That’s next level.

Adam: This is the worst investment idea I’ve ever heard.

Nick: That’s why you’re not rich, Adam. You’re not thinking forward enough. You’re stuck in a world of cheap Amazon Prime butt plugs. Stav and I, we’re innovating.

Stavros: We’re disruptors, bro. We’re building an empire here. The Butt Plug Industrial Complex.

Nick: (laughs) We could even take it public. Cumtown stock would skyrocket.

Adam: Right up the ass of America.

Stavros: (laughs) We’re the new American dream, baby.

(Outro music starts playing)

Nick: Alright, folks, that’s it for today’s episode. Make sure to subscribe to Cumtown Premium if you want the good stuff. Stav will send you a pizza, Adam will send you a sad selfie, and I’ll send you a stock tip. See you next time, losers.

Stavros: Later, dorks.

Adam: Bye, I guess.

(Outro fades out)

Let me know if you’d like any more specific jokes or scenes added!

Those hosts are named Nick Mullen and Adam Friedland.