It all started with a tweet about a couch. Within hours of Donald Trump announcing the Ohio senator JD Vance as his running mate in the presidential race, a rather lurid accusation cropped up on social media.
The user of a since-deleted X account wrote last month, “can’t say for sure but he might be the first vp pick to have admitted in a ny times bestseller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions (vance, hillbilly elegy, pp. 179-181).”
The fake page citation from Vance’s bestselling memoir Hillbilly Elegy lent credibility to what turned out to be a baseless claim, as detailed in a now-removed fact check from the Associated Press. Soon, the internet was awash in memes mocking Vance’s relationship with various pieces of furniture. “I did not have sectional relations,” one X user joked, paraphrasing Bill Clinton’s infamous quote about his extramarital affair. Another user added: “Who hasn’t been excited by the thrill of the chaise?”
Even Kamala Harris’s newly launched presidential campaign appeared to get in on the fun, tweeting: “JD Vance does not couch his hatred for women.”
Well, hopefully not suck toes. That’s not really that uncommon a kink from what I understand.
I’m sure we can find something though.
Yeah we can figure something out. Its something my friend from Atlanta says he figured out to say to fascists because it totally trips them up since they’re not sex positive. They get weirdly defensive and drop whatever harmful thing they were trying to do to focus on “I’D NEVER SUCK TOES”
I’d prefer to in digital spaces make fun of these weirdos for something that’s not a legitimate and healthy kink. Like maybe who ever comes after Vance we’re just like “We don’t have to take this from someone who licks LSD soaked cats”
I think “toe sucker” hits better because it sounds weird but innocuous enough to be believable, plus it hits just right with fashits’ bootlicking fetish.
Licking a LSD soaked cat is too bizarre to feel possible. A decent alternative might be “jar of mayo”.*
* Sorry for triggering anyone who saw 1 guy 1 jar