It’s crazy what’s been happening lately. I have a relatively big family and, honestly I don’t know a whole of them, but in the past two weeks two extended family members passed. Then, this morning, I just got the news that my aunty whom I’ve known all my life passed.
Whats going on? Why are so many people dying? In the past year I’ve lost 4 family members. All to sickness or to some sort of external factor.
I wish I was like John Coffey. I’m not religious, in fact God can fuck off, but I wish I could get healing powers. Imagine what life would be like if instead of dying, grieving, crying, people can celebrate, smile, laugh. Parents can see their sick children grow to be adults. People can see the world instead of seeing it through the windows from a bed. People can walk with their families instead of wheeling by their side. If I had supernatural healing powers, like the people in the movies I watch and video games I play, that could all be possible.
I often think that life is a punishment. Being able to live isn’t a gift. It feels more like a curse.
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I suffered a string of ill-timed deaths when I was a teen. It hurts and it feels like it will always hurt…and, to be honest, it always will. But on the other hand, you are still alive. That means that you are still subject to the truest rule of our reality; you are still subject to change.
I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this, stranger. It’s not fair and I’ve had similar fantasies about being able to save those beloved souls that I’ve lost. Things don’t really work like that, but what we do have in our favor is the fact that these feelings, as difficult and heavy as they are, will inevitably change over time. A day will come when the memory of those you’ve lost doesn’t stir tears, but instead spreads a smile across your face. The memories you have are precious treasures and they, like those difficult feelings, will also grow with you.
If you’re feeling anything like I was back then, then I’m sure it might be hard to believe this, but it is very much the truth. For me, this misfortune eventually grew into the understanding that there is nothing more important than the people who will cry when your name gets called. The breathless darkness of loss is a darkness that can be cut like any other. You wake that light with the trust and love of those who are still with you and the trust and love you have for yourself. Make sure to do all that you can to have people who cry for you some day, because there is nothing more powerful, healing, or moving than the cherished connections we are lucky enough to be alive to share. It doesn’t feel like it now, but the day will come when you can look back and smile at what once shook you to sorrow. What once felt like a punch to the gut will some day feel like a pinch; something that only hurts enough to remind you of what really matters.
You will suffer like this again someday, just as we all will. Or, most of us, at least. And in spite of that, you will also find, someday, that you are surprised by how ok it all seems in the rear-view. You’ll get through this, dude. This stranger believes in you :)
That’s really beautiful. Death sucks but I like the way you positioned it. Thank you kind stranger. I hope you as well are doing just as well, thank you
I’m sorry for your loss.
i’m so, so, sorry 🫂 may she rest in peace. death is such a terrible thing, to lose the person you cared about forever.
