I really like watch porn videos of women saying very humilating and degrading things about me because I love feeling like I’m a loser, Inadequate and worthless.
But I don’t want tell my future wife or girlfriend that I’m into this because it’s so embarrassing. How do I get rid of this kink?
It’s not something you need to get rid of, but if you really want to move past it the best way is to actually explore it psychologically. You say you like humiliation play because you love feeling like you’re worthless. Makes sense, sure, but why? What is it about feeling worthless that feels good?
Is it genuine worry in real life that you can safely explore in a sexual fantasy? Do you feel sometimes inadequate but can’t talk to friends openly about it, so having someone attractive criticise you but still not leave you relieves a fundamental rejection anxiety?
Is it that part of you is arrogant and looks down on some others as losers, but you don’t consciously approve of that behaviour, so the kink lets you ‘play the victim’ and feel better about your elitism?
If you spend a bit of time actually confronting the deeper thoughts behind a kink, it can remove a bit of the forbidden tension, and leave it as something you can still enjoy if you want, or move beyond, or find a more acceptable form that still presses the same buttons. Or just find a girlfriend who’s into it!
I have always felt that I’m a loser and very Inadequate. Because I’m 27 year old and I have never even been on a date and I got made fun of alot for my appearance throughout highschool. So I guess that why watching porn videos of hot women verbally humilating me and degrading is such a turn on for me.
Also, if you’re really lucky you might discover that your fantasy isn’t actually that exciting in real life.
Or maybe it’s really a normal healthy kink that you could be exploring further.
I’d advise you to go to Fetlife, look for munches near you, go there and get the vibe of the people. Go several times because vibes can change from week to week.
You should be able to learn there that the people there aren’t freaks but normal people. That what you’re feeling is normal and that you’re not the only one. And most importantly that you’re not an ugly loser but also a normal person.
Don’t go there with the expectation of finding a sexual partner. These are supposed to be safe spaces where one can go to exchange feelings and knowledge. Also don’t go there with the expectation that everyone will be talking about sex and BDSM and fetishes all the time. Often enough they talk about all kinds of things.
If you’re lucky your munch has some kind of way of onboarding new people. The organisers are the right people to talk to. They are usually very nice and not judgemental.