Or maybe it’s really a normal healthy kink that you could be exploring further.
I’d advise you to go to Fetlife, look for munches near you, go there and get the vibe of the people. Go several times because vibes can change from week to week.
You should be able to learn there that the people there aren’t freaks but normal people. That what you’re feeling is normal and that you’re not the only one. And most importantly that you’re not an ugly loser but also a normal person.
Don’t go there with the expectation of finding a sexual partner. These are supposed to be safe spaces where one can go to exchange feelings and knowledge. Also don’t go there with the expectation that everyone will be talking about sex and BDSM and fetishes all the time. Often enough they talk about all kinds of things.
If you’re lucky your munch has some kind of way of onboarding new people. The organisers are the right people to talk to. They are usually very nice and not judgemental.
Also, if you’re really lucky you might discover that your fantasy isn’t actually that exciting in real life.