My old boyfriend died in 2015 (from diabetes) and I’ve been single since then. I also don’t know if I’ll like having sex or not. I am sexually attracted to men/am straight but I don’t know. It’s like the idea of someone doing that to me, I’d find it embarrassing because I’m gross.
This is undiagnosed mental illness. Please get a mental health assessment (any hospital can probably do it, just call around).
It gets better. When I did this I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. They put me on meds that immediately solved 50% of my worst symptoms. Overnight.
It was magical and my life has only continued to improve ever since