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Still on the long, slow road to some sort of diagnosis. Going through the government system and it’s been hair pulling to say the least. But on Monday I’m going back in to see the psychiatric nursing sister. And apparently that’s going to literally just be so that she can refer me to the main government psychiatrist for this region.

And who knows how it’ll take from that point because this Monday appointment is a full month since my last appointment there. Haven’t had any sort of prognosis yet but when the nurses were taking my blood, even though they were speaking Xhosa, I picked up the word “autism” again and again. So we’ll see but I’m pretty sure I’m going to be joining the ranks of late dx adults and honestly it all seems so obvious to me now.

This waiting and waiting and waiting for things that could be done over the phone or email sucks though. It’s like when you have something planned for 14:00, which of course means that you can’t do anything else constructive for the entire day before that because reasons. Expect this thing that’s planned is at some undetermined date in the future and instead of wasting the day, it’s days and weeks and months.

Bad

Not so great, but at the time perfectly fine. Usually pretty okay. My psychologist told me that I have aspd but that what he considers me is a primary psychopath. It just doesn’t sound very good, and I like to manage what others see about me.

Mother’s cat went home so now I’m with my thoughts which is bad. Also with tooth pain, which is bad.

The kitten can also in the bedroom again so it’s nap time with the kitten and that’s good.

Learning about Trump’s plan to level the American national forests has me spiraling thinking we are facing an extinction event in the coming decades.

So, not great.

Uhh, bad. I’m holding up objectively well under the circumstances compared to the past, but the circumstances are… You know.

Trying to maintain stability and finding myself at a very meh level. Politics is crazy, taxes are looming, but thankfully I have a great network. Something has been nagging at me quite a bit though and I’m still noodling over it: what’s the point of it all? I made the decision to not have kids years ago and seeing all my friends have kids makes me feel that my path has less meaning than theirs. Just trying to understand my own path in life.

I’ll say to you the same bit of wisdom that I try to give myself: life is a complex series of mishaps and accidents so don’t be too hard on yourself :)

Having a tiny bit of slow-work time at an office, after I got almost burned out under unrealistic deadlines pressure.

Hoping it’ll get better for you!