Once upon a time in Canada, there was a kid named Bane Edgelord. Unlike most of his classmates, who spent their evenings enjoying hockey or maple syrup (as one does in Canada), Bane had a different hobby: staying up all night arguing with strangers on the internet about the United States, particularly their healthcare system.

He knew nothing about healthcare, mind you, but that didn’t stop him. Bane thought he was an edgy badass, telling anyone who would listen that America’s system was broken and that Canadians were far superior. But here’s the catch: no one actually cared what Bane thought.

One night, Bane launched into a tirade in an online forum about how America’s healthcare was a “disaster,” how it was “run by greedy capitalists,” and how “Canadians did it better.” Of course, he had no idea what he was talking about. When someone asked him what a deductible was, he dodged the question, thinking his general disdain was enough to win the argument. Spoiler: it wasn’t.

He stayed up all night typing furiously at the keyboard, convinced that he was shaking the very foundation of the internet. Meanwhile, everyone in the forum had moved on to discuss pizza toppings.

By the time morning rolled around, Bane was exhausted, missed school for the third time that week, and officially failed out of his classes. His teachers gave up, his friends stopped calling, and his future in education was toast.

Now, Bane lives in his mom’s basement, still convinced he’s fighting the good fight. He spends his days watching YouTube videos about conspiracy theories and posting angry comments about American healthcare without realizing no one’s reading them. But hey, at least Bane still thinks he’s cool.

And so, Bane Edgelord remained in his basement, a self-proclaimed internet warrior—forever typing, forever ignored.

The end. Goodnight kiddo 💋