A viable alternative is Guix, which uses Scheme for its scripts and could also use the Hurd kernel instead of Linux, but works the same.

I rather not.

Who needs AbiWord when you can use WordTsar?

Depends.

Ah, nothing’s wrong with WordPerfect, honestly. Still better than Word.

TIL: Considering one of two major competitors technically better than the other is “simping” now.

Oh no! Chinese employees must use a better operating system! How dare they!

Considering Satan is a fiction, I’d say Satan can be whatever you want him to be.

This is probably also true for the Christian God. But let’s assume for the sake of discussion that the Bible is a factual account: the Book of Numbers already refers to the worship of the Semitic god Ba’al in the “ancient” people of Israel. Etymologically speaking, Ba’al is identical to what later became “Beelzebub”, one of the names of Satan; it is reported that the statues of Asherah (the wife of YHWH) and Ba’al were destroyed. Ultimately, according to the Bible, the followers of YHWH waged a “holy war” against the followers of the other gods and declared these gods to be the “Antichrist” by a mere act of speech.

It is not known whether the followers of Ba’al were really less merciful than those who later waged crusades.

I would not consider the Abrahamic texts to be canon about Satanism. That’s like learning about Native American culture from Spanish conquistadors.

I don’t think volunteer and charity work is very satanic, at any rate.

Why not?

“I’m not stepping aside. (Every step hurts.)”

Fascism pays well.

What sort of “dark messengers” preach compassion and justice?

Christian missionaries.