Trubble

Wow… she just said that, huh? Then didn’t blink when asked about it, and said it again!!

My SO got pulled over for not maintaining his lane while making a turn, through a newly set up construction area (wasn’t there on his way into work, was at midnight on his way home, and, No One maintains a lane out here, ever).

They got him for a marijuana DUI, his blood test came back with the Lowest Testable amount. Like, the residual, not actively high amount. $10,000 of lawyers and repeat visits to court, and the MVD department (they can each charge separately out here?) After the 5th-ish visit on the hearings, the cop comes up to us after, “proud of you sticking to your story” … then, since he didn’t show to the next one it was finally dropped. Fuck the police.

Sad violin music plays and swells, pan over wide eyed, hopeful Americans with light luggage packed, waiting patiently for their new family, an arm waves tentatively, friendly but scared…

Oh absolutely! That thought tag may be a hangover from everyone giving me reasons I “must” have kids, or I “will change my mind” about having kids “wait till you find the right guy”. It seemed to break people’s minds that a midwest small-town girl wouldn’t want kids (same good christian folks who were also terrified I might have sex and get knocked up). It always appalled me when the conversation would take that “who’s gonna take care of you when your old” turn. I have a good relationship with my folks now, I hope I can care for them to the best of my ability as they are getting up there. May not have always felt about them that way though, took some work. I can’t hardly tale care of myself still though, and it worries me how much I Will be able to do, financially, time, etc. So yeah, came to terms with the idea of me being in a state home in general. But, having dementia or alzheimer’s in that situation, to me, is terrifying. Being 100% at the whim of a stranger and unable to express any real needs or thoughts. I love to read, puzzle, learn and play games, learn new shit in general, recognize actors by voice in under a 30 secs… y’know brain stuff, lol. Just knowing it would be gone is sad and scary.

Right? It didn’t help me! Growing old, then having dementia or alzheimer’s but still alive and thinking I’m thinking, has already been a fear of mine. Especially always knowing I would never have kids, thus no chance of anyone to be around to help, besides strangers. And, probably at whatever gov. med. level of care, as I cannot ever seem to make any real progress in bettering our financial situation. But, I’d rather be aware of it than ignorant to it.

How? Where? None of us have money saved anymore. Groceries and rent have made sure we can’t save any money for anything.

…Unless, there is an adopt an American family movement I haven’t heard of? Can we start one?!