I also hated it when I had a OnePlus 8. Luckily it fell in the floor and the screen broke. My insurance repaid me the full price and with that I bought an Xperia 5 II. It is sooo much better with its small form factor, flat screen, its stereo front facing speakers, it’s headphone jack and its long battery life!

Have a look at the Xperia 10 Series (for example the Xperia 10 VI), they have all those features for what I find is a reasonable price.

Sony Xperia still have front facing speakers.

I really like that Sony didn’t abandoned good features just to follow the hype. Some of those features are a headphone jack, an SD card and a small screen (big screens also available in the 1 series).

How do you know the “average person” doesn’t do childish things when out in the wood by themselves?

There are some reactor designs that run on waste of standard reactors. It would solve two of your points for at least some decades.