Apathy Tree

There’s next to none in all water, when measured by volume.

But things concentrate, so the 0.00005% adds up over time.

Considering it’s also in the water, probably not, no.

I would love to see a sword of truth series, but not done as an action thriller with shallow characters, because that’s just not what it is, damnit.

I think this played out in my home last year around this time. (You can just skip reading it; this is catharsis for me…) (I’m debating just deleting this catharsis but I’m going to post it because I wrote it…)

I had one cat who hated everyone but me and sometimes her housemate. She was 16, but in pretty good health. The other I’d had for 10 years but idk how old he was, probably 5-10 when I got him. They didn’t get along that well, but he gave her space. He was a lover with multiple health issues who was on his way out for years. Importantly, he left her alone for the most part. She liked that about him.

I wanted kittens to learn his hyper-friendly ways and be good with her, too, because I thought she’d be around a while yet, and at least a few months on loverboy, so I got a pair from a barn. Runts; the only ones they could catch. Way too fragile to be in my care, but probably had a better chance with me.

One week after the kittens came home, the friendly cat had to be put down, he was ready to go, stopped eating and wouldn’t cuddle, he told me he was ready. So I scheduled it. I was ready for that to happen and had been since 2016 when the vet said he had 6 mths left. In retrospect he was telling me that for a while before that and I didn’t pick it up. That’s on me, and I accept it.

Next morning, the day of the euthanasia, woke up to one of the kittens being gone, she was failing to thrive and I didn’t think she was going to make it, but it still sucked really hard. They are buried together because other people seem to think that’s poetic or something… he waited for her, or some such. And that sounds nice so I went with it. (this was 15JUL)

The remaining kitten was depressed as hell, wouldn’t play or do anything for days, and even the crabby 16 seemed sad that her companion of the past 10 years was gone… got another kitten from that same barn but the grief did its damage… the kittens were ok with each other but they aren’t siblings or anything and they haven’t really bonded the way I’d like.

Just when the kittens were starting to win over the crabby girl, she up and stroked out on me out of nowhere on 02SEP, plunging my house further into chaos (I was ready for my boy to go… I wasn’t expecting that…)

Now I have a cat (kitten no longer) who suckles blankets for comfort, and another who gets misplaced aggressive when she sees another cat (and sometimes squirrels??). So you know, the trauma is real, and idk really how to help them, but it was a lot for them to experience in their formative stages… and I mean I was depressed about it the whole time too (as an unrelated bonus, one of my turtles died in November…), so that certainly didn’t help…

The justification for this seems to be “Yes we know you’ve done the hard part by taking action against them, but we simply don’t trust you to stick to that decision, and thus must monitor you to ensure you do what we want you to do with your life. Oh, but we’ll make sure your abuser knows all about it, whether you want them involved or not. That’ll definitely help keep those kids safe!”

I can absolutely see how that would be traumatic and intrusive. I hope this challenge goes places.

Honestly it’s so difficult to get done as it is that they don’t even need to outlaw. It’s virtually unobtainable for most women unless they already have “enough” kids, whatever that means to a specific doctor, or they travel to find a willing doctor.

It took me 8 years to get it done because I’ve never reproduced (childfree by choice). And I’m one of the easier stories. I got it done at 27, in 2015, and while some doctors are more willing now, most aren’t. Especially in conservative areas.

All they have to do is keep making doctors scared to offer proper reproductive care, make it risky and they stop going into that field. You don’t need to make it illegal, just impossible. Rich white people will still be able to choose, so they don’t care.

I had to deal with a whole bunch of people asking me hypothetical questions. What if you regret it? (what if I regret having them?), what about your future partner? (If they are right for me they also don’t want kids, and I don’t plan to get married anyway). What if you change your mind? (I will adopt if that happens. I don’t believe sharing my junk genetics is important, and the chances of issues are high anyway since I’m also broken, and there are plenty of not-infant kids who need homes if I get maternal, but kids under 5 aren’t my jam and probably never will be, and I’m probably too negligent to raise them right anyway). Ultimately they couldn’t argue with my logic but it took years of finding the right doctors getting the right consultations, etc.